today

"Confusion"   2013  Photo Credit: Jane H. Johann

today…

I tried not to think of you

I tried to forget you

I tried to forget the hurt

I tried to forget the betrayal

today…

I felt so sick inside

I felt so lost

I felt my mind so tossed

I felt empty inside

today…

I wondered if I will ever be my happy self again

I wondered if I will ever find my way

I wondered if there is still hope

I wondered if…

 

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There is a dichotomy About Veterans

The Veterans of our country deserve our support and help and our government should be doing all they can to help them!

idealisticrebel

This was not what I was going to blog about today, but it will wait. I am very upset about what is being unearthed about the Veterans Administration. I feel I need to do some explaining. First of all, I am a Pacifist. The Vietnam War saw me protesting and speaking out against an illegal war. There was also a draft. It was not our first one but it was the first draft I was alive to experience. Dinner time included parental rants about guys in long hair, and making sure rules were followed no matter how stupid they were. The television was always on and we watched the scenes in black and white of the horrors of death of war, the first time such images were presented so vividly to the masses. Then that day’s draft numbers were announced. There were sighs of relief or cries depending on what…

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you forgot your sweater…

lines and curves

the scent of you still was near

opening the closet I found you…

I carried you to my bed

and laid your arms there beside me in full view

Once again I tortured myself

with imaginings of your soft care

Once again Oscar de Lenrenta

rose into the air

Once again a copious amount of tears

unceremoniously fell from my eyes

Once again reminded

that the love we had …was put aside

for you were no longer with me

only a minute aura of you remains

for you are no longer with me

and forgiveness and love I must reclaim

 

 

 

 

 

Who are YOU?…a Narcissist

the door closed in my face

of you–there is no trace

how did the demise come about?

why is it, there was never a doubt?

where did I miss…

ah yes…you are a narcissist!

no feelings from you…no sentiment true

you blocked them all and played me the fool

charming and bold, how you had the hold

said all the perfect words…and let it unfold

but as the minutes and the hours passed

your commitment could not last

the game played, your conquest won

your goal was scored… you moved on for more fun

a trail of broken hearts you have left

drowned in grief and bereft

but you are a narcisist and it is not your fault

shallowness clothes you… hiding in your golden vault

yes, it is true my heart has turned blue

but I would rather be me, than you

for inside of you, a huge emptiness looms

you search and search…nothing but empty rooms

within you must feel very alone

to go from lover to lover with your heart of stone

deceit is your check…until the price is met

only those preyed upon pay the debt

but…now I must stop this rage

for inside of me it has become a cage

 

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I love you still…a part of me always will

I must forgive and leave you…still

you moved on…

you moved on while they played our song

you just forgot to take me along

i thought you were my forever love

then out of nowhere you gave me a shove

i thought our dreams were the same

i didn’t know it was all a game

suddenly all was lost

my heart is paying a deep and heavy cost

i found our photo face-down in the drawer

you forgot to discuss the final score

you were playing behind my back

the odds against me were unevenly stacked

i brought you tea, three times three

and all the while you were laughing at me

you took my love and wore it well

then suddenly you sent me to hell

you disappeared hour after hour

while our love became a wilted flower

far from honest were you with me

deceit became your dress to a tee!